Last Kill
by adrictiv
Summary: The cards have been dealt and she has the losing hand. She lost him; no matter what she does. She lost him forever. Do not read if you have not seen S03E21.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there it has been a while.**

**I'm not even gonna say anything about the awesomeness that was 3x21, I'm still processing it and I'm not okay with it.**

**This little story was written literally 10 minutes after I saw the episode, so bare with me. I was full of feels and tears and asdfghjkjghfdsa**

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The cards have been dealt and I have the losing hand.

I lost him; no matter what I do. I lost _him _forever.

When we get home he rushes straight to our room to get his laptop. He cannot stop talking about all the little places he found where we could escape, all with the help of the somewhat extinct Shadownet. He jokes something about Birkhoff but I can't even bring myself to fake a laugh.

I get to the bathroom and scan our place with different eyes. I start to admire how domestic our home looks if a stranger were to look inside it. Clothes carelessly thrown over couches and magazines scattered over a coffee table. We even have a picture framed on his nightstand. My heart aches for the life we created here, our temporary home before the end of our nightmares.

Nothing will ever be the same and my heart breaks at the sole thought. Tonight is the last night I will spend in his arms. I will never sleep wearing his white t-shirt that is way too big for me and by the time the sun rises tomorrow, he will wake up to an empty bed.

I am _not_ ready for this. Although in all honestly, I could never be.

I dread how even right this second, things have changed. I am now aware that every word that leaves my mouth from now and on will be heard by _her_. Every whisper, every I love you, everything. God I hate her so much.

I have spent so much time trying to understand why is she so focused on torturing me. After today, I don't care about the reason. Because even if I finally understand that twisted mind of hers, it will not make a difference in saving his life. He is inevitably in harms way and I'm the only one that can protect him. I'm the only one that can save him.

When I get out of the bathroom he is still hunched over his computer, the corner of his mouth slightly curves upward. He's planning our perfect wedding while I'm planning my last assassination, our doom. His eyes meet mine and my heart breaks a little more.

"Hey I didn't hear you there. What's the matter? Is that headache still bothering you?" He seemed concerned, if only he knew.

"A little. I'm tired too, this whole saving the world thing is taking a toll on me. Or maybe I'm getting old, who knows." I say to try and lighten the mood, he chuckles and makes room for me in our bed.

"Don't joke about age with me. I'm pretty sure you were still in diapers when I first joined the navy." He quipped. His hand gently reached my face and I knew I'd failed in hiding my feelings and concerns. "You don't seem very well, are you sure there's nothing else bothering you?" He asked with eyes full of concern.

I once told Alex that the best lies are the ones that have the most truth in them. I guess is time to follow my own advice. I try to find the words to explain before I realize once more that Amanda is here, she'll hear everything. She could kill him right now, and I cannot do anything about it. My heart is beating fast in my ears and I force myself to breath. I can't cry, not anymore and not in front of those desperate green eyes looking for answers.

My hands start to tremble and I can't take the pressure. Out of impulse I throw my arms around his neck and hold on to him for dear life. I cherish his strong arms around my waist as he whispers words I can't quite catch against my ear.

"I'm scared" I finally gather the courage to speak aloud. "I'm scared of what she did to me back there. Maybe today I was acting under her orders, just like she did with Alex. I could have died, or worse I could have you killed" I choke my last words out and I feel the lump rising up my throat. _She could kill him now, _is the only thing I can think about.

"Oh honey, it's gonna be okay" His hands are tangled in my hair and I feel his warm lips briefly in my forehead. "You're still my Nikita, impulsive and righteous. That's what I saw today. I don't know what she did, but whatever it was I'll help you get over it. She's not stronger than us, we will make it work and we will get through it. Maybe on a beach in Aruba, far far away from her clutches. Because if there's something I'm sure of is that she's never laying a finger on you ever again, not while I'm still alive. I can promise you that." He pulled himself away for a second and stared at my tear stained face.

"I love you so much. I need you to know that okay?" I muttered with a weak voice. He leans down to kiss me lightly and smiles.

"I know, and I love you more than anything too." He kisses me again before wrapping his arms around me. "Sleep now beautiful, you need to rest to prepare for the amazing life we are about to begin tomorrow okay? Plane leaves at 5" I feel his hold tighten infinitesimally and I have to fight the tears that are threatening to fall once more.

Right there in his arms I find strength and I know what to do next. He is right. I do need my rest. I need a clear mind to finish planning my last mission.

Tomorrow, I will kill the president of the United States.

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**Hope you guys enjoyed that and please review :) I'll love you forever.**

**Also this story was first posted on my tumblr ( pointlesswriter. tumblr .com) where I'm planning on writing Shaggie fics too, if anybody is interested in that. **

**Love,**

**Adriana**


	2. Chapter 2

**I... I... I can't find words to describe the last episode, so instead I found relief in writing a second (and last I think) part to this story.**

**Try and enjoy. Please don't cry.**

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The tears clouding my sight made it nearly impossible to drive straight. My trembling hands sought for stillness, I grip the steering wheel with all the strength I have left. I'm doing the right thing. I know I am. I cannot make them pay for my burdens any longer, they can't keep putting themselves in the line of fire for me.

I cannot be selfish. This is the time to do what's right, and if that means sacrificing my time with Michael until I can figure everything out, well so be it. I will find Amanda and I will make her pay.

I can still feel the pounding of my heart in the pit of my stomach. The faint sound of machines yelling at me, saying that Michael was gone, that godforsaken sound still rings in my ears. I can't drive no more but I have no home to go back to, yet. So I find a sketchy motel where I can rest until I figure out a better plan. I have to be smart. Rather, I have to outsmart Michael, it won't be easy.

The smell of the room nauseates me and my eyes grow accustomed to the dim light. I struggle to keep myself straight but the physical abuse has reached its limit. The cold seems to follow me and I collapse on harsh sheets. I don't cry anymore. I suspect I don't have anymore tears left to shed. I am left alone, I am left with the numbness where he rested. But not for long, not for long I promise myself.

My eyes grow heavy and my breath slows down, and I feel him. I can feel Michael pulling me towards him. I can feel myself trying to flow in his direction. I can feel me ignoring all the reasons why I should run and listing to the one that begs me to stay. Nonetheless I am waiting, no, I am fighting to be the _us_ we deserve to be. Without running. Without regrets. Just like that, I drift away to the only place where I can meet him again, the land of dreams.

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I wake up to the rising sun and the stiffness of my body begging for release. Naturally, I reach for him on my left side to find the end of an empty bed. I am bewildered at what hurts most, the lack of his warmth next to me or the sight of my naked left ring finger that mocks me with the bitterness of a broken promise.

My hearts feels heavy in my chest but I know what I have to do. It is time to keep my feelings in check if I want to fulfill this final mission. I need to be intelligent and fast, there is a life that's waiting for me to get back.

Before I start mission prep I remember something. When we first moved in to our loft, I insisted on bugging the house. Just the living room at least, just for countermeasure. I never thought it would be of much help but it reassured me just as much as the hidden glock in the kitchen. I push my way out of the bed and rush to the laptop. It's a long shot so I try to not get my hopes up.

My hands tremble as I type the code to the server, I have to be careful not to trigger any flags that may show my location. My eyes scan through the screen until I find the date and approximate time, maybe he went back to tell me something. One last message, for now.

Tears immediately fill my eyes as I watch him enter the house. The image is not crystal clear but I can perfectly see how he's staring at the ring on his left palm. He looks so defeated and helpless, the empty house now looks too big for him. He crouches next to the coffee table, resting his back on the couch and when he speaks my breath's caught up in my throat.

"I guess it was a good idea to bug this place huh? Thank God I listened to you... I need to know that you'll hear this. I -uh I don't really know where to begin," He clears his throat and fumbles with the jewelry on his hand. "I remember that I spent so much time thinking and looking for this ring." A sad smile makes its way to his lips. "I had this idea that, if I found the perfect ring for you everything would work out." he chuckles and my fingers curl into a fist leaving angry red half-moons in my palms.

"Baby please come back," He stumbles over the sentence through shaking lips. "Or tell me where you are and I'll meet you there. Wherever." His voice is just above a whisper and it kills me inside. "I understand how you don't want to get the others in trouble but you cannot just leave _me_ alone. After all we've overcome..." I am gasping for air and my shaking hands reach for his face on the screen. 'I am so sorry' I whisper to the still morning air.

His hands cradle his face and the slight quiver of his shoulders is not lost in me. "You know I am going to go looking for you right?" His voice is strained and his hands are trembling. "I trust you, but there is no way in hell I'm letting you go through this by yourself. You don't have to be alone sweetheart." He tilts his head back and stares up at the ceiling.

His eyes are glistening from unshed tears. "Remember that if there is someone who can find you, is me. I have experience." I watch helplessly as the words dances out of his mouth and scatters into the empty house.

My chest is heavy with burden and all I want to do is run back to him. But, the memory of him flat lining is still fresh in my head, it gives me courage to finish this fight once and for all.

I can't bare looking at him like this anymore but just when I'm about to close the laptop shut, his voice freezes me in place. "I love you Nikita. I hope you can hear this, I love you so damn much. Please, come back to me." He mumbles, muffled by the proximity of his lips to his hands.

I run towards the bathroom and splash my face with cold water. I cannot afford to break down. I don't have time to waste and I've had my fair share of tears. I try to find comfort in the fact that even if I am lost and broken to bits, each and every bit is for his sake. We deserve a better ending and that is exactly what I'm fighting for.

Today is one of those days where all I wish is that I could crawl into a cocoon and close my eyes tight. And after the wind is done trying it's best to knock me down, crawl back out as something more.

I gather my things and throw them in my duffel bag. People know who I am now, I don't have the upper hand anymore, anonymity is not on my side. I have tons of things to plan and there is no time.

Before I rush out the door, I silently pray that he'll forgive me when I'm done. But most of all, I implore to the gods that he won't find me. Because I am no longer sure how much I can take. I don't know if I could run away again if our paths were to cross again.

I gently place two fingers in my lips and remember the last time his met my own. The sweet taste of his lips somehow still lingers on mine, and I hate myself for not making it last longer. Memories of him and the promise of a life by his side is what will give me strength.

As I drive away I wonder; Will he know how often I'll speak of him when he is not around? How often I'll mouth words and phrases to the space he should be filling? I wipe one last sneaky tear, and I don't look back. I won't ever look back.

"I love you too, Michael." I say to my ears to hear. "So damn much."

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**There you have it. I'm going to trust Craig and the writers to give our Nikita a well deserved happy ending. I need them to be happy and together, I don't care if it's on the last 5 minutes of the last episode of the show. They deserve it!**

**I hope you enjoyed the story and please leave a review. Can't wait to hear what you thought of it.  
**

**Love,**

**Adriana**


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